Monday, October 1, 2012

Funny Random Tweets

  1. Apparently cluelessness is a sign of stupidity. I had no idea
  2. gets disappointed every time I'm in the bank and it doesn't get robbed because I'd love to talk about that in my Facebook Status update
  3. Bigfoot must have the hardest time picking out his Facebook profile picture. all of his pictures are always blurry!
  4. Every time a bird poops on my car... I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my patio just to show them what I'm capable of
  5. Just once, somebody needs to roundhouse kick the person who does the 1$ bigger bid on The Price Is Right!
  6. To the guy who named cotton candy: Yes! It looks just like it sounds. To the guy who named Milk Duds: What the heck is wrong with you?
  7. according to maxipad commercials, all women are full of winshield washer fluid
  8. So what if I can't spell armaggedon?..... It's not the end of the world. .....
  9. filled up an empty jar of mayo with vanilla pudding and eating it in public
  10. is going to teach her parrot to say, "HELP!!! I've been turned into a parrot!"

Saturday, September 1, 2012

More Funny Stupid Tweets

  1. of any of my status updates have made even one person's day better, then there's something seriously wrong with that person.
  2. Most people don't stop and consider my feelings when I'm insulting them
  3. The one thing I've never understood about calculus is how to do it
  4. Sometimes I find it helpful to ask myself: "What would a competent person do in my situation?"
  5. A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking. A wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed
  6. thanks to my workout ethic this year, I got a trophy. No, wait... I mean "atrophy."
  7. Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
  8. I just read something so funny it made me spit coffee out my nose, which is odd because I wasn't drinking coffee at the time
  9. I don't need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
  10. 3 things I hate: stupid people and math

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

More Funny Stupid Tweets


  1. when two's company, three's the result..
  2. I was concerned that my goldfish was epileptic, so I took it to the Vet. "Looks fine to me" they said. I said "But you haven't taken it out of the water yet!"
  3. Scientists confirm diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans.
  4. My laziness is becoming such a issue that I can't even be bothered hanging my clothes on my treadmill anymore
  5. Spent the whole day yesterday checking items off my task list.
    In retrospect, I probably should have used that time to complete tasks
  6. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred..
  7. If you can listen to Phil Collins "In the air tonight" and not play the air drums, then you, my friend, have no soul!
  8. The people who invented the Internet never would have gotten around to doing it if they'd had the Internet
  9. what number confuses stupid people the most? 82
  10. Father's Day is just like Mother's Day, only cheaper!!