More Funny Stupid Tweets

Alicia

1. of any of my status updates have made even one person's day better, then there's something seriously wrong with that person.
2. Most people don't stop and consider my feelings when I'm insulting them
3. The one thing I've never understood about calculus is how to do it
4. Sometimes I find it helpful to ask myself: "What would a competent person do in my situation?"
5. A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking. A wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed
6. thanks to my workout ethic this year, I got a trophy. No, wait... I mean "atrophy."
7. Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
8. I just read something so funny it made me spit coffee out my nose, which is odd because I wasn't drinking coffee at the time
9. I don't need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
10. 3 things I hate: stupid people and math

More Funny Stupid Tweets

Kim

1. when two's company, three's the result..
2. I was concerned that my goldfish was epileptic, so I took it to the Vet. "Looks fine to me" they said. I said "But you haven't taken it out of the water yet!"
3. Scientists confirm diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans.
4. My laziness is becoming such a issue that I can't even be bothered hanging my clothes on my treadmill anymore
5. Spent the whole day yesterday checking items off my task list.
   In retrospect, I probably should have used that time to complete tasks
6. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred..
7. If you can listen to Phil Collins "In the air tonight" and not play the air drums, then you, my friend, have no soul!
8. The people who invented the Internet never would have gotten around to doing it if they'd had the Internet
9. what number confuses stupid people the most? 82
10. Father's Day is just like Mother's Day, only cheaper!!