Funny Observation Tweets

St. Patrick

1. 3.14% of sailors are Pi rates.
2. It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
3. You are so predictable, I bet you are reading my tweet right now!!
4. Always believe a woman when she says, "You don't want to know."
5. how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris?
6. A lot of good conversations are ruined by some idiot that actually knows what he's talking about!
7. I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends
8. I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones.
9. Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
10. old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative
11. If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
12. actions do not speak louder than words when you're beating a mime.

Funny Observation Tweets

Tweet:

1. Now that I know there's water on the moon, your natural spring water from the Swiss Alps bores me.
2. Nigeria wants an apology for District 9? Okay, Nigeria, we have a huge apology for you. For transfer, simply wire a small advance fee.
3. 14.9 million Americans are now unemployed. That's a lot of new blogs.
4. Japan's new first lady says aliens once took her to Venus. I'm just amazed aliens also call it Venus. Boy, we nailed that one.
5. I hopped out of bed this morning like Fred Astaire. Or anyone else, really, who has been dead for 20 years.
6. Half of the appeal of staying up late is the total absence of morning people.
7. A conference call is like a bus ride. I want it to end as quickly as possible, preferably with nobody talking to me.
8. With professor Gates off to have a beer with Obama, now would be the perfect time to break into his house.
9. I had this really kinky girlfriend once; finally I just had to tell him it was time we started peeing on other people.
10. First Rule of Turkey Club: Bacon, lettuce and tomato