- Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles
- Facebook: It's where you go to share your incredibly random thoughts in order to find out who is as twisted as you are
- 100% of bear attacks could have been prevented by not having yourself around where bears are at
- It's weird how no one on The Jetsons ever addresses the apocalyptic events that left only white Americans behind, living in the sky
- Can anyone tell me how to remove duct tape from the eyes without pulling off the eyebrows? Asking for a friend.
- OK, think of a number. Add 7 to it. Divide it by 2. Point at it. Show it a picture of your father. Go to sleep. Omelette.
- Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?..............Neither did I. I was just asking
- ~Hint to the obvious~ If a fan page or group requires you to invite all your friends on your friend list, it will not do what it promises, unless it promises to tick off your friends
- A lady's picking through the frozen turkeys and says to a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" and he says, "No, ma'am, they're dead."
- Marriage is the opportunity to inherit an additional dysfunctional family, just in case the one you have wasn't enough
