- Apparently cluelessness is a sign of stupidity. I had no idea
- gets disappointed every time I'm in the bank and it doesn't get robbed because I'd love to talk about that in my Facebook Status update
- Bigfoot must have the hardest time picking out his Facebook profile picture. all of his pictures are always blurry!
- Every time a bird poops on my car... I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my patio just to show them what I'm capable of
- Just once, somebody needs to roundhouse kick the person who does the 1$ bigger bid on The Price Is Right!
- To the guy who named cotton candy: Yes! It looks just like it sounds. To the guy who named Milk Duds: What the heck is wrong with you?
- according to maxipad commercials, all women are full of winshield washer fluid
- So what if I can't spell armaggedon?..... It's not the end of the world. .....
- filled up an empty jar of mayo with vanilla pudding and eating it in public
- is going to teach her parrot to say, "HELP!!! I've been turned into a parrot!"
