Funny Tweets For Everyone

Jack thinks...

1. ‎"Patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses.
2. A lot of people assume when i laugh while texting someone, it's because what they said is funny. But in most cases, i am laughing at what I said because i'm just that hilarious.
3. A teacher at a school for overweight kids was fired for snorting cocaine. His massive pupils gave him away.
4. According to some magazine, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low... Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it...
5. After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
6. At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they're imaginary?
7. Banana peel, coffee grains, pizza crust, soda bottles, empty tins, paper plates. Yea, that's right! I'm talking trash!!!!!!!!!!
8. Big Halloween party coming up. It's supposed to be 'Titanic' themed. So I figured i'd dress up as an iceberg and crash the party!!
9. Candyland tastes like cardboard
10. cigarettes are like hampsters. They look harmless until you put them in your mouth and start them on fire!!