Funny Weird Tweets

Nancy

1. Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles
2. Facebook: It's where you go to share your incredibly random thoughts in order to find out who is as twisted as you are
3. 100% of bear attacks could have been prevented by not having yourself around where bears are at
4. It's weird how no one on The Jetsons ever addresses the apocalyptic events that left only white Americans behind, living in the sky
5. Can anyone tell me how to remove duct tape from the eyes without pulling off the eyebrows? Asking for a friend.
6. OK, think of a number. Add 7 to it. Divide it by 2. Point at it. Show it a picture of your father. Go to sleep. Omelette.
7. Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?..............Neither did I. I was just asking
8. ‎~Hint to the obvious~ If a fan page or group requires you to invite all your friends on your friend list, it will not do what it promises, unless it promises to tick off your friends
9. A lady's picking through the frozen turkeys and says to a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" and he says, "No, ma'am, they're dead."
10. Marriage is the opportunity to inherit an additional dysfunctional family, just in case the one you have wasn't enough

Funny Weird Tweets

Julie

1. Don't disturb me....  I am already disturbed enough!
2. I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them
3. Facebook: a place where people announce their problems to the world but not to the person they have a problem with.
4. Why can't women park cars? Because for generations, men have been telling them that 3 inches is actually six.
5. At lunch time, I like to park my car on the side of the road with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars
6. ‎70% of my life is composed of Work and 40% learning proper mathematics
7. When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"
8. How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never keep the house
9. wanted to buy some goose feathers but couldn't afford the down payment.
10. Fake people are just as bad as fake breasts.....Only reason they exist is to make one feel better about themselves

Funny Observation Tweets

St. Patrick

1. 3.14% of sailors are Pi rates.
2. It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
3. You are so predictable, I bet you are reading my tweet right now!!
4. Always believe a woman when she says, "You don't want to know."
5. how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris?
6. A lot of good conversations are ruined by some idiot that actually knows what he's talking about!
7. I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends
8. I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones.
9. Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
10. old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative
11. If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
12. actions do not speak louder than words when you're beating a mime.